2002-10-04 - 7:15 p.m.

I've just spent the last five minutes breaking the heart of a man who was once convinced that he was going to be my father-in-law by telling him that I would not accept his invitation to the "Family Game Night", now or ever again. Another reason not to get married people: in-laws.

I have become more clear in my decision to refrain from marriage, because I don't know if I will ever be able to trust a person with that level of commitment. I could be committed, sure. I could spend thirty years of my life loving one person alone. But if something should happen on day one of year thirty-one, I won't have to go through the whole sloppy mess of divorce. I'll just have to say "No, YOU pissoff, and have fun fucking your water-aerobics instructor!" (Because I'm hoping to find a rich widow who's in her fifties now, so that I can live off of the generosity that she will surely show to the strapping young man servicing her.)

Which is another reason to avoid having children: no custody problems. But before we ever get to that, I can't have children. They'd be stupid with a capital FUCKING MORONS. That's how it's always been in my family. Any amount of intelligence in the genes skips everyother generation. I was lucky enough to grab just a small bit of the smarts for myself. My mother? Smart as a bag full of doorknobs. My grandfather? Smartest person to have ever graced my presence. His parents? "Lucky if they could figure out how to break a window with a hammer" was how he put it to me. And it goes on like that.

I will not abide stupid children. And I certainly won't wait for my cud-chewing daughters to get knocked up so that I can have smart grand-kids. I will simply avoid the whole situation.

What brought all this up? I'm under the impression that one of my friends is catching some flack for her life choices. This is just to reassure her that she's not alone. And I should hope that one day, when we're in our nineties and our live-in "others" have finally passed on, we'll still be getting together for a beer and a smoke, maybe a little rock on the radio; all while we laugh at the folks that went to their graves desperately trying to provide for a family that will have simply forgotten them in less than a decade.

BBBrett

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